March 19th…

Noises from the traffic snuck into my dreams, shattering the comfort that had grown around me.  An ache developed behind my rib cage, close to where my heart beats.  Perhaps it was my heart.  I turned onto my back, and immediately regretted this decision.  The shock of the cool fabric that thirstily soaked up my feverish sweat jolted me even further into consciousness.  Yet another sleepless night.  Too many of these to count…  I mumbled to myself.  Although they were still heavy with sleep, I propped myself up with my left arm, letting the tingles of numbness fade, and grabbed my notebook with the other.  Cradling it in my lap, I let the moonlight fall across the off-white pages.  I wrote:

 

Creeping through the push of anger

Loss chokes my ears

Tinges of light are slicing my skin

But darkness wins

 

How much longer?  Screams my heart

How much must I suffer?

Silence answers. Failure and fear are not welcomed here.

So when all else fails, fly.

 

I close my journal, crouch into my bed sheets, close my eyes, and picture the things that make my soul smile.  Picture the feelings that cause a grin to cover me.  I watch, with my sleeping eyes, what helps my skin feel warm, and my heart soften:  Backed by a lavender horizon, orange billowing at its middle as the massive light of the sun peeks over the valley, my silhouette fills the dawn.  My brown wavy hair is flowing freely, bouncing and tickling my cheeks.  The wind is welcomed here; it brings sweet smells of lilac and loose feathers that the butterflies avoid as they bob on the breeze.  I close my eyes, and turn my face to the purple sky.  Then it comes. I spread my grey and white wings, extend them so my muscles stretch.  What a sensation… I see my silhouette, me and my wings, my brilliant glow burning the sky and the grass around me, and I smile.  I open my eyes, and I smile.